Wry On The Rocks

    The next time you need to buy a computer should you  believe the claims of Steve Jobs or Bill Gates regarding their product?  Or should you believe the Oracle of Omaha prognostications regarding investments? 

     Kang Lee, director the Institute of Child Study at University of Toronto, has released a study that tracked children who lie versus those youngsters who tell the truth.  The study makes the claim that children who lie as early as age two have faster developing brains than their peers; they are merely exhibiting their mental acuity.  This, according to Mr. Lee , will lead to greater intellectual achievements.  Thus, Mr. Lee goes on to exclaim,  parents should not be concerned if their little darling tells a fib. 

     So remember, the next time you hear someone protest that your toddler is a little lying bastard, simply take it as the ultimate compliment and start pricing vacation condos.

     The most annoying television commercial of the week has to be courtesy of National Floors Direct.  The female spokesperson was fairly appealing….the first 2,000 times I saw the ad.  Then she started to wear on me.  Now she drives me out of the room!  She actually makes me  miss Billy Mays. 

     But here’s what really gets me about the commercial….their claim to “next day installation.”  Now this is the same claim made by a competitor, Empire Today.  While Empire couldn’t afford a real live spokesperson, relying instead on a little cartoon spokesperson and an annoying jingle, they too offer ”next day installation.”

     Now, here’s my question.  Just how many unemployed hardwood floor and rug installers are there in the country?  I mean these are national companies and they’re promising anyone in America, “next day installation”?  What do they have, a busload of immigrants waiting in back of every Wal-Mart across the country just waiting to nail down some boards in your home?  When was the last time you needed some work done in your house and your contractor said, “oh yeah I can come tomorrow.  I mean what the hell, I’m not doing anything else this month!”

     Billy Mays may have offered a money back guarantee on a product with an average three-day life span, but even he knew better than to promise “next day installation.”

    Michele Obama lashed out at George Bush today in announcing her mission to solve the obesity problem among young people.  The First Lady pointed out that one-third of young Americans today are over-weight and under nourished; a problem caused, she explained, by former President Bush.  “It’s no secret,” she said, “that Mr. Bush had a weakness for M&M’s.  In fact, when he left the White House, he presented each of the press corps with a gift-wrapped box of M&M’s embroidered with the Presidential seal.  What kind of message was that to send to the youth of America?”

    Mrs. Obama discussed her goal of trying to un-do the 8-years of damage to nutritional values caused by the previous administration.  “What we need to do is get kids to eat more fruits, for example,”  she explained, “maybe the way we do it at State dinners..fruits dipped in chocolate.  We find it the perfect companion to the pumpkin pie tart, whipped cream & caramel sauce, petits fores and pecan pralines that ends our meals.”

     If that doesn’t work, she suggested that  they could eat cake.

     It’s that time of year when it is custom for  many of us to make New Year’s resolutions.  Some of these fall into the give-me-a-break category as in “I promise to be a better person” or the how-you-going-to-do-that category, as in, “I promise to make the world a better place” resolution.  Most of these resolutions are made by people who still have an Al Gore for President tee-shirt and think Harry Reid would be fun to hang out with.  Unfortunately, no matter what the pledge, resolutions will be kept by only 3% of Americans. …

(read more of this at www.wrysandwherefores.com)

The quote of the week has to be from Harvard senior Jim Crossen, from Davenport, Iowa.  ”No one ever told me I was poor until I got to Harvard!”