Wry On The Rocks

    Michele Obama lashed out at George Bush today in announcing her mission to solve the obesity problem among young people.  The First Lady pointed out that one-third of young Americans today are over-weight and under nourished; a problem caused, she explained, by former President Bush.  “It’s no secret,” she said, “that Mr. Bush had a weakness for M&M’s.  In fact, when he left the White House, he presented each of the press corps with a gift-wrapped box of M&M’s embroidered with the Presidential seal.  What kind of message was that to send to the youth of America?”

    Mrs. Obama discussed her goal of trying to un-do the 8-years of damage to nutritional values caused by the previous administration.  “What we need to do is get kids to eat more fruits, for example,”  she explained, “maybe the way we do it at State dinners..fruits dipped in chocolate.  We find it the perfect companion to the pumpkin pie tart, whipped cream & caramel sauce, petits fores and pecan pralines that ends our meals.”

     If that doesn’t work, she suggested that  they could eat cake.

The Windy City folk are understandably upset that President Obama couldn’t bring home the gold from Denmark.  The question on every-one’s mind is …why did he choose to fly over the ocean like some common mortal when he just as easily could have walked. 

If it’s any consolation to the Windy City folks, the IOC is considering adding “Walking On Water” as an Olympic sport for 2016.

India has lost a spacecraft somewhere around the moon.  It seems that all communications with Chandrayaan-1, India’s first attempt at a moon mission, have been broken off.  A spokesman for the Indian Space Research Organization announced this serious breakdown in their $79-million-dollar project that was to be the forerunner of future efforts at space exploration.

Apparently, what happened was a malfunction in a Dell computer sensor and when the engineers called the Dell technical service line….well, that’s when the real trouble started.

President Obama’s garden beer hour to teach racial tolerance to Sgt. Crowley this week went well right up until the end.  Unfortunately Louis Gates took the concept of kissing and making up all too literally.  It seems that after the affair in the garden was over, Gates attempted another affair when he hit on Sgt. Crowley in the parking lot.  Rebuffed by the officer, Gates immediately convinced Obama to book another beer get-together scheduled for next week; teaching homophobia tolerance to straight cops. 

Now if Sgt. Crowley would only show up in a tee shirt bearing the message that “plovers taste just like chicken!” he might find a permanent place at the White House picnic table.

A new government study confirms what most of us already knew; cellphone usage is out-pacing landlines in U.S. household.  20% of all U.S. households have no landline at all…only a cell phone…while only 17% of households have a landline and no cellphone.  This is most prevelant among persons age 25 to 29; the study found that 40% of this age group only use cellphones.

Here’s the part I don’t understand…the study was undertaken by the Center for Disease Control.  With the threat of a worldwide pandemic brought on by Swine Flu, the CDC is doing phone studies?  I don’t care how many phones the 25 to 29 year-olds have, I want important stuff, like how many pigs have used a phone in the last 30 days! Or how long should I wait to use a phone after eating pork! So, I say back to the clipboards CDC and give me something I can use.