Wry On The Rocks

      President Obama has declared no more Mr. Nice Guy.  First, he was simply going to put his boot on BP’s throat, but now he’s getting serious.  He is threating to kick some ass.  He’s just not sure yet whose ass he’s going to kick, but it’s going to be someones.  Talk about over-compensating.  I figure any minute now, Press Secretary Gibbs is going to release a picture of Obama with a bandanna around his head, wearing steel toed boots and toting an AK-47.

       I guess now we’re going to have to listen to President Rambo  regale us with stories of how his daughter comes into his bath room every morning asking, “whose ass did you kick today, Daddy?”

     President Obama this morning angerly warned BP that it better not pay out millions of dollars in stock dividends to the shareholders while it was “nickel and diming” the residents and business interests in the Gulf area.

     When it was pointed out to the President that  millions of people including retirees and pension funds depend on the dividend income to help pay for living expenses he immediately assailed BP for considering a dividend cut . ”My daughter interrupted a cabinet meeting this afternoon,” the President explained, “and asked, ‘Daddy have you paid the dividend been paid yet’?'”   He promised her he would not let BP ”nickel and dime”  the American shareholder as he outlined a six-billion dollar stimulus plan for all BP shareholders.

     President Obama will be in Tampa today to announce a 1.24 billion dollar plan to build a high speed train service from there to Orlando.  According to Google,  it is 91 miles from Tampa to Orlando and takes 1 hour and 29 minutes by car. Heck, It takes that long just to get across Tampa in rush hour for crissakes, but you don’t see him building a bullet train for that.  So, here’s my question….just how fast do the people in Tampa need to get to Disney World?

    Is he concerned that someone living in Tampa  may have to commute to Disney World for their job?  I have an idea Mr. President; give them money to buy another house.  You can buy any house in Florida right now for $42.  I figure you can relocate the entire population of Tampa to Orlando for about 65-grand.  Throw in another 3-grand for shuffleboard courts and half the people won’t even notice the difference.

    Unfortunately, the President’s plans don’t stop there.  He envisions a further expense by expanding the high speed service from Orlando to Miami.  One problem with that plan.  No one from Orlando goes to Miami.  New Yorkers go to Miami.  New Jerseyites go to Miami.  Germans, Russians, Brazilians, Bolivians, Equadorians, and Sean Penn go to Miami.  Orlando folk do not go to Miami.

    So ditch that one too Mr. President and take the money saved and spend it where rapid transit is really needed.  Us folks up north don’t need a bullet train to get to Disney World…just a way to get through D.C. on route 95 in less than a day and a half.  That’s change that Mickey would cheer and could help you recapture Massachusetts!

    Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich claims in an Esquire magazine interview that he is “blacker than Obama.”  What the article didn’t report was that this was a clever publicity stunt on Blago’s part to promote his forthcoming rap CD in which “The Rod Dog’ comes out of the black closet. His title number is entitled “The Whiter Nigger” in which he raps….

“Now the O dog and me both from the Windy City, but I be doing jail while he been sitting pretty

Hey, I been black  ‘fore black was cool, got a birth certificate showing my gene pool.

Obama didn’t ‘spect that he was black, ’til Nevada’s  Harry Reid pointed out that fact……………………

Now I grew up in five rooms  Daddy rented, and I’ve fetched coffee for massa Bill  Clinton…….

So all you bros  must feel betrayed,  cause  Harry only wants you if you’re a lighter shade…..

If that’s so, it just ain’t fair and it don’t  figger, but move   over Obama cause I’m the whiter, nigger. ”

In a stirring acceptance speech in Denmark, President Obama reminded the audience of why he was The Chosen One for this year’s Nobel Peace prize.  Promising peace in the Middle East, the President vowed that, “make no mistake…I will bring peace to the entire Middle East including Afganistan….even if I have to nuke the little towelheads back to the Stone Age!”