Wry On The Rocks

President Obama’s media bus containing over $200,000 worth of media equipment including the presidential seal, several podiums and his personal teleprompters was stolen last evening.  The bus had been parked in a Courtyard Marriott lot in Henrico, Va.

The theft of the US Presidents possessions comes on top of a break-in at a SWAT training building in Los Angeles in which thieves stole dozens of police weapons including MP-5 submachine guns and 12 large-caliber handguns.

When questioned about the rash of domestic thefts, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano issued a statement assuring the American public that our borders were “secure.” 

 President Obama is expected to issue a statement just as soon as his staff can secure another teleprompter.

President Obama revealed his secret to relaxation to reporters from his vacation house on Martha’s Vinyard today.

“The best thing about these 10 days”, he confided, “is knowing my Vice-President is in Outer Mongolia.”

     We’ve been confronted with a  series of revelations recently by leading elective officials  of the abuses,  taunting and other traumatic offenses suffered on their way to successful political careers.

     In a speech against child abuse,  President Obama revealed in a press conference today that he had been the victim of bullying in his younger years because of his big ears.  This comes on top of Sen. Scott Brown’s revelations in his new book that he was the victim of child abuse before his rise to power.

     Sensing a trend for the upcoming elections ,the Republican Party is now looking for candidates whose parents belonged to a Warlock cult or  preferably spent some time as a child sex slave.

    A big shout out to Michelle Obama who announced a joint collaboration with Walmart to reduce the amount of caloric laden food stuffs that the mega-chain sells to un-suspecting mothers and children.

     Her press conference came this morning following a state dinner with China President Hu Jintao which consisted of Maine Lobster, lemon sorbet, rib-eye steak, double stuffed potatoes and apple pie with vanilla ice cream…total calorie count =2400.

     It’s OK, though.  According to a spokesperson for the First Lady, “Walmart doesn’t sell double stuffed potatoes”.

President Obama announced today that he has heard the American people and henceforth promises to a zero sum spending policy…only spend what you take in.

To prove his adherence to this stance he points to the fact that on his visit to India he secured a $10 billion dollar trade deal.  He predicts this should just about cover his travel expenses in Mumbai and Indonesia.  He’s hopefull about a similar deal in South Korea to pay for the return trip.