Wry On The Rocks

Kris Humphries has filed a suit againt his soon-to-be ex-wife Kim Kardashian for breach of contract.  Humphries’  attorney claims that his client was promised a marriage of 13 months which was then to become a spin-off series from “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”.

The suit claims that it’s impossible to base a television series on just 72 days of a marriage. 

The Kardashian producer issued a statement stating in part, “..bullshit….we’ve based shows on a lot less crap than this.”

Moammar Gadhafi was buried yesterday in a hidden grave;  the exact location  known only to four men.

Here’s my question…how well do you think those guys are going to be sleeping??

     The New York Fashion Week is in full force this week featuring the best and hippest of the fashion world’s designers and models.  Unfortunately, one of the stars of the modeling world, cover girl Nada Cjekavasheck, will not be walking the runway this week because she failed the new health rules for models.  While her 2-inch-diameter thighs passed the tests,  it was discovered she had no breasts.

     Designer Alexander Wang expressed his regrets, but claimed that ..”it never occurred to me to allow for bosoms!”

In the current brouhaha over the TSA body searches at the nation’s airports, there has arisen a battle cry of “don’t touch my junk!”  Now, I have no idea who invented this phrase, but it is obviously someone with a very low-self esteem problem. 

I’m ordinarily not the bragging type, but I’m sorry..I do not consider that part of my anatomy as junk!  Admittedly the phrase “family jewels” might be a little too narcissistic, but I’d rather be thought of as having an over-blown ego than an undernourished John Thomas. (see Sex in the City!)

So, if I’m faced with a groping at Logan, I plan to take a page from the Victorian playbook and sternly advise the TSA handler to stay away from my bawble!  And that goes double for my tallwags, trinkets and twiddle-diddles !

I betcha thought that all the nerds at MIT sat around trying to figure out how to get a man on Pluto or how to create an artifical brain or how to get a ’49 Packard on the roof of the school library, but you’d be wrong.  They actually spend a great deal of time on important issues that impact our everyday life.  At least for those of us that don’t care about levitating ’49 Packards.  Issues like how do cats drink water?

 Now you’d think that you could just watch a cat drink for awhile, like some Sunday morning, when you’re bored reading the paper and the game hasn’t started yet.  But, it takes more than that Bubbe.  Like MIT researchers Pedro Reis and Roman Stocker plus two more engineers recruited from Virginia Polytechnic Institute and Princeton University, a robotic simulator from the International Space Station and the use of the high speed Edgerton camera.  Not to mention the application of the aspect ratio and the Froude number.  After four years of intense study, they determined that the cat is able to lap up water through a combination of fluid inertia and gravity at the rate of four laps per second.

Now you and I would probably stop there; pat ourselves on the back and pour another martini.  Which is why you and I aren’t at MIT.  These guys actually worked out a formula to predict the rate of lap (known as ROL) of other cat speices.  In case you’d like to know it’s the weight of the animal raised to the power of minus one-sixth and multiplied by 4.6. 

It’s work like this that makes Cambridge such a special place.