Wry On The Rocks

      President Obama has declared no more Mr. Nice Guy.  First, he was simply going to put his boot on BP’s throat, but now he’s getting serious.  He is threating to kick some ass.  He’s just not sure yet whose ass he’s going to kick, but it’s going to be someones.  Talk about over-compensating.  I figure any minute now, Press Secretary Gibbs is going to release a picture of Obama with a bandanna around his head, wearing steel toed boots and toting an AK-47.

       I guess now we’re going to have to listen to President Rambo  regale us with stories of how his daughter comes into his bath room every morning asking, “whose ass did you kick today, Daddy?”

     Arizona  Gov. Jan Brewer signed a bill which will permit state police to stop any person who “it reasonably believes” could be an illegal immigrant.  This has set off a fire storm of protests from every corner of the Mexican community including the Mexican government.  Activist Jorge Mujica has called for a boycott of goods in Arizona by all Mexican inhabitants.  It is feared that sales of food stamps could come to  grinding halt, lottery ticket sales would collapse and free school lunch programs would dry up.

     But the worse threat comes from the top.  Joining the call for action, Mexican President Calderon has called for a complete halt of all trade with Arizona.  As a result, effective the 1st of May, Arizona residents may no longer have access to Tequila, fake Rolex watches or bull fight paintings on black velvet.

     As a transplanted Floridian, my enjoyment of  the Winter Olympics has been tempered by a mixture of ignorance, awe and, at times, downright apathy.

     First, the ignorance; hockey.  Growing up in Florida in the pre-ice age, I always assumed the word hockey had something to do with phlegm.  To this day, I don’t understand rules;  like icing.  Is it an illegal physical property or is it something that a player does…as in, oh,oh Pierre just iced?  And then there’s the contradictory nature of the rules.  You’re allowed to have a player called the “Enforcer ” on the ice, but are penalized for a “third-man-in”?

     Then there’s the awe;  skeleton racing …. watching  men and women lying face down on little “skeletons”  going 90 miles an hour down an ice chute.  I suspect that when growing up these people were not allowed to play with other kids in the neighborhood. 

     Then there’s the apathy; curling.  How did shuffleboard on ice become an Olympic sport?  Are there that many people interested in watching a sport that features two men with brooms?  The Zamboni machine offers more drama which is why curling received such low ratings.  I think next time they should allow each team an Enforcer.  That I would watch.

In a stirring acceptance speech in Denmark, President Obama reminded the audience of why he was The Chosen One for this year’s Nobel Peace prize.  Promising peace in the Middle East, the President vowed that, “make no mistake…I will bring peace to the entire Middle East including Afganistan….even if I have to nuke the little towelheads back to the Stone Age!”

       The US Department of Energy just OK’d a $529 million loan to Fisker Automotive, a start-up company that promises to build an energy efficient electric car that will appeal to the luxury market, i.e. cars priced at $80 to $90,000.  Now why are we loaning millions of dollars to an unknown car company that has yet to build a single car that it plans to market to Sean Penn?  Well, for one thing, Fisher Automotive’s top investor is the venture capital firm, Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers which just coincidently has donated over $2 million to Democratic campaigns. 

 Want another coincidence?  Al Gore is a partner in Kleiner, Perkins, et. al.  When Matt Rogers, the Democrat functionary who oversees the federal loan program was asked if Mr. Gore had any influence in the loan decision he tersely responded, “none at all.”  It’s not reported if he crossed his heart and hoped to die.