Wry On The Rocks

Maria Shriver was caught breaking the law…a law just signed into effect by her Governator husband…by using her cell phone while driving.  Showing complete remorse, Ms. Shriver described her ordeal as a “teachable event.”  Shouldn’t that really be a “learnable event”?  Why do celebrities always think we’re the ones that need to learn something from their mistakes?  But, obviously Mrs. Governator is truly sorry for her infraction as she promised to make the supreme sacrifice…she’s donating her old cell phone to Hopeline to aid domestic violence clinics across the country!  Her husband is worth 9 zillion dollars and she’s donating a freaking cell phone???  Actually, that might have put her in the running for the Nobel prize for philantropy, but the Nobel committee just learned that Obama tipped his caddy two bucks last week!  Sorry Maria.

President Obama’s garden beer hour to teach racial tolerance to Sgt. Crowley this week went well right up until the end.  Unfortunately Louis Gates took the concept of kissing and making up all too literally.  It seems that after the affair in the garden was over, Gates attempted another affair when he hit on Sgt. Crowley in the parking lot.  Rebuffed by the officer, Gates immediately convinced Obama to book another beer get-together scheduled for next week; teaching homophobia tolerance to straight cops. 

Now if Sgt. Crowley would only show up in a tee shirt bearing the message that “plovers taste just like chicken!” he might find a permanent place at the White House picnic table.

Mexico City has just announced free ambulance and emergency room service for tourists who are concerned about contracting swine flu while visiting the capital city.  Unfortunately, they will not include an armed platoon of AK-47 equipped militia to get you to the hospital before the drug cartel finds you out.  Am I the only one avoiding a vacation in Mexico because of the carnage in the streets?  Somehow, swine flu would not be in my top 10 list of why I’m avoiding our friends to the south.

There is a new addition to my list of “people -who-just- don’t- get-it.”  Gail Mathias is upset at the Mass Lottery agency for raising the odds on winning Megabucks from 5.2 million to one to 13.9 million to one  Obviously, Ms. Mathias thought she was odds on favorite to walk away a winner at only 5.2 million to one.  That alone made her a finalist on “people-who-just- don’t….”, but what ultimately catapulted her into the winners circle was the rationale behind her complaint.  “They just do it to get more money”, complained the angry player.  Hello, Ms. Mathias…you see the lottery was set up to…oh, never mind…welcome to the list.