Wry On The Rocks

     It’s that time of year when it is custom for  many of us to make New Year’s resolutions.  Some of these fall into the give-me-a-break category as in “I promise to be a better person” or the how-you-going-to-do-that category, as in, “I promise to make the world a better place” resolution.  Most of these resolutions are made by people who still have an Al Gore for President tee-shirt and think Harry Reid would be fun to hang out with.  Unfortunately, no matter what the pledge, resolutions will be kept by only 3% of Americans. …

(read more of this at www.wrysandwherefores.com)

President Obama has been under fire recently by the African-American media complaining that he is not doing enough for one of his strongest constituencies.  In response, the President was quoted as saying that he, “can’t pass laws that say I’m just helping black folks….” 

Realizing that might sound condescending to some  ”black folks”  who don’t really consider him black, he  tried establishing bonds by admitting that , “while I didn’t hang with many black folks growing up, my mammy and I read Uncle Tom’s Cabin most every night when I was just a little picaninny.” 

He has also directed the White House chef to make sure that fried chicken and chitlins be served at least once a week ;  has declared March 20th, James Brown Day; and announced that he has  invited Sam and Dave to the White House to see if they couldn’t sort out their differences over a couple of beers.

Apparently there are 2 types of math in America.  There’s the math they taught us in school…you know, the kind that says 2 plus 2 equals 4… the kind of math that most of us use in our daily lives.  Then there is the type of math that is used in politics.  The federal Head Start program recently announced that the $787 billion stimulus plan had saved 14,506  jobs.  A review of the details of those numbers showed that actually more than two-thirds of those saved  jobs were simply existing job employees who received raises!

Health and Human Services spokesman Luis Rosero explained the math this way…”If I give you a raise, it is going to save a portion of your job!”  He didn’t explain what portion, but Myrtis Mulkey-Ndawula, director of the federal sponsored program in Moultrie, Ga. explained it this way;  following White House guidelines, she multiplied her 508 employees by 1.84..the percentage pay raise they received…and came up with 935 jobs saved!!

Now if the Administration’s goal is to give the impression that the stimulus plan is working by counting raises as saving jobs, they are going to be down right giddy when they see the Wall Street bonus  figures!!  What is that percentage pay raise formula again?

The Windy City folk are understandably upset that President Obama couldn’t bring home the gold from Denmark.  The question on every-one’s mind is …why did he choose to fly over the ocean like some common mortal when he just as easily could have walked. 

If it’s any consolation to the Windy City folks, the IOC is considering adding “Walking On Water” as an Olympic sport for 2016.

Unfortunately, Cambridge police officer Sgt. James Crowley has agreed to meet with President Obama and Henry Louis Gates, Jr. to “have a couple of beers” at the White House.  This has to be one of the most tricked up events of Obama’s tenure so far.  A kumbaya beer party at the White House?  Just a few guys having a couple of beers together?? Give me a fucking break!  Obama made the mistake of speaking without a teleprompter…said something dumb and offensive without any facts…nothing new there…and now Sgt. Crowley is going to let him turn it into a positive spin?  The best that can come out of this is Obama exclaiming that he only wants to drink American beer…Budweiser!  Shouldn’t someone tell him….hello Jim Koch of Sam Adams beer…that Budweiser is now owned by a Belgium company??  I guess that factoid wasn’t on his teleprompter this week.  Then there’s poor old Al Sharpton, who was headed to Kennedy airport for Cambridge when he heard the news.  “What happened to the good old racists?” he was heard to bemoan the reporters who still bother to listen to him.  If Obama keeps making nice, nice with everybody, Al and Jesse are going to need a stimulus plan of their own.