Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have announced that they are engaged to be married. In announcing their engagement, the 19-year-old Bristol stated that even though they are formally engaged they will not live together and will practice abstinence from sexual relations until they are actually wed.
Bristol and Levi’s 19-month-old son, Tripp, is scheduled to be a guest on Larry King’s show to explain his mother’s interpretation of abstinence.
If I seem a little cranky this morning it is due to a new European scientific report that purports that short people are more prone to heart problems than tall people. In fact, the study claims that short people have a 50% higher risk of heart problems or dying of one (which certainly could be considered a “problem”) than tall people.
At 5′7″ in height, I have never considered myself short, and the authors of this study agree; they define “short” as anyone under 5′ 3″ and “tall” as anyone over 5′ 9″ . However, I have great empathy for short people ever since Randy Newman dissed them some years ago. (Don’t you love guys with speech impediments who make fun of other people!) But, my empathy aside, here is one of my problems with the study…what about us guys in-between?? The 5-foot 7-inch guys?? Or the 5-foot 4-inch, 5-foot 8- inch…etc.?? What are our odds?? They absolutely disregard the concerns of 50% of the world’s population?? (I just made up that number, but prove me wrong!) Or…what if you’re 5-foot, 3-and a half-inches tall?
Here’s another problem I have with the study…the lead author was Tuula Paajanen from Tumpere University. First, I make it a habit never to trust anyone with successive vowels in both their first and last name and, second, who the hell has ever heard of Tumpere University? My, shall I say skepicism, in her study was summed up in her attempt at consoling short people. ”Height is only one factor”, she wrote, noting that other factors like smoking and excercising and diet may come into play and suggested that short people concentrate on those issues since, “those are easier to change than your height!” Gee, Doc, do you think??
It is studies like this that make me more than ever convinced that when I’m King, I’m only going to allow scientific reports that seek to solve important issues. So, please feel free to e-mail me at john@wryontherrocks.com if you have an issue you feel worthy of government funding. Here are some issues that have been bothering me:
(This guy just realized he’s 4 foot 11)
Last evening, the Boston Pops premiered a tribute to the Kennedy legacy entitled “The Dream Lives On: A Portrait of the Kennedy Brothers.” The musical piece, written by Peter Boyer with lyrics by Lynn Ahrens, includes quotes from various speeches by the three brothers and was spoken from the stage by actors Robert De Niro, Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman.
The high profile audience at Symphony Hall included Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, Senate President Therese Muray, UMass president Jack Wilson and JFK Library Foundation CEO David McKean.
While members of the Kennedy family were expected to attend the evenings festivities, several were noticeably absent. Joe Kennedy was busy pumping gas in Everett, Mr
s. Robert Kennedy Jr. was apparently unable to raise bail, and Patrick Kennedy was arrested for driving his car up the Museum of Fine Arts steps at 3 in the morning. He claimed he was there to see the Kennedy brothers portrait.
Katie Couric just lost an evening news viewer. At 8:15 this morning on the CBS Good Morning America show she “previewed” the news that she would be reporting on her 6:30PM show TONIGHT! How she knew 10 hours ahead of time what the news of the day was going to be is simply unbelievable. It’s an amazing gift, but I wonder though if CBS has really thought this “preview” idea through. Why would anyone waste time watching Katie at night when she’s already dished the scoop in the morning?
In an effort to one-up Katie and CBS, it is rumored that Brian Williams will begin giving the Tuesday night news on his Monday night broadcast and continue to stay ahead of the competition by a good 24 hours through-out the week.
The best bet, however, is on the ABC evening news where Diane Sawyer is going to be announcing the Wednesday PowerBall number on her Tuesday night show. Now that’s network news worth watching.
(read more on this at www.wrysandwherefores.com)
Maria Shriver was caught breaking the law…a law just signed into effect by her Governator husband…by using her cell phone while driving. Showing complete remorse, Ms. Shriver described her ordeal as a “teachable event.” Shouldn’t that really be a “learnable event”? Why do celebrities always think we’re the ones that need to learn something from their mistakes? But, obviously Mrs. Governator is truly sorry for her infraction as she promised to make the supreme sacrifice…she’s donating her old cell phone to Hopeline to aid domestic violence clinics across the country! Her husband is worth 9 zillion dollars and she’s donating a freaking cell phone??? Actually, that might have put her in the running for the Nobel prize for philantropy, but the Nobel committee just learned that Obama tipped his caddy two bucks last week! Sorry Maria.