Wry On The Rocks

Maria Shriver was caught breaking the law…a law just signed into effect by her Governator husband…by using her cell phone while driving.  Showing complete remorse, Ms. Shriver described her ordeal as a “teachable event.”  Shouldn’t that really be a “learnable event”?  Why do celebrities always think we’re the ones that need to learn something from their mistakes?  But, obviously Mrs. Governator is truly sorry for her infraction as she promised to make the supreme sacrifice…she’s donating her old cell phone to Hopeline to aid domestic violence clinics across the country!  Her husband is worth 9 zillion dollars and she’s donating a freaking cell phone???  Actually, that might have put her in the running for the Nobel prize for philantropy, but the Nobel committee just learned that Obama tipped his caddy two bucks last week!  Sorry Maria.

Jack, the best CEO in the history of the World, Welch has announced a new venture.  No, it doesn’t concern a new book which reveals that he’s the best CEO in the history of the World, or another high paying speaking engagement in which he explains that he is the best CEO in the history of the World or even a television appearance in which he talks about his place as the best CEO in the history of the World.  No, Jack, the best etc., Welch is joining forces with Michael K. Clifford to enter the higher education business.  He has taken a 12% stake in Chancellor University System, an on-line university which will offer both under-graduate degrees and an MBA degree from the Jack Welch Institute …named coincidently for the best CEO, etc. 

Mr. Clifford, or Dr. Clifford as he likes to refer to himself, is also head of several other companies that operate 3 other universitys…Grand Canyon Education, Ashford University and University of the Rockies.  Mr.  Clifford, now 55, has an interesting background for a higher-education chief, including a background in broadcasting, telecommunications and work with evangelical leaders.  What “Dr.” Clifford does not have in his resume is a college degree.  He never went to one.  I guess there’s no point to pay to go to college, when you can own one.  Or more.  I wonder if that’s going to be part of the curriculum  at the $21,000 Jack Welch Institute?

There is tragic news from Salt Lake City today.  Lee Richmond, cited by Guiness Book of Record for having the longest fingernails in the world with her right thumb nail just short of 3 feet, fatally stabbed herself last night while brushing her teeth.  Not really, but almost as bad..she broke her nails in an accident when she was thrown from an SUV.  There is now an opening for the longest finger nail record.