Night Moves with Tiger and Elin
Friday, February 19th, 2010Tiger Woods finally staged his non-press conference today. Leaving no stone unturned he assumed full blame for his transgressions, bad behavior, infidelities, loss of trust, the Colts Super Bowl loss and the failing economy.
He did not, whoever, admit to any “domestic violence” in his house. He admonished the press corps for trying to characterize his late night accident on Thanksgiving as a result of any violence on his wife’s part. “We were simply playing our favorite Swedish game, Traffa-Vagn-Klubb“ he said. Translated as Hit-The-SUV-with-a-Club, Tiger went on to explain that the game is best played at one 0-clock in the morning in one’s nightshirt ; the goal being to hit as many objects as possible with a moving SUV before the van itself gets hit with a club.
Tiger went on to deny that his skill at this game involved any performance enhancing drugs, but instead was due strictly to his Buddhist Karma.

Ms. Chaker, however, has me rethinking this view. Ms. Chaker has trained her cat to poop in the family toilet. She has accomplished this dubious feat according to her article, by spending the better part of a year and “countless hours in the bathroom” with her cat. Ms. Chalker cites several owners that have successfully toilet trained their cats this way, but cautions it is not an easy process. (Editors note: only people who would even remotely consider spending a year in the bathroom with a cat need this cautionary note. The rest of us got it, Ms. Chalker.)
The Obama administration has notified GE’s subsidiary, NBC, that it is issuing a restraining order against it’s obscene bonus payments to under-performing late-night TV hosts. The administration is particularly upset with the fact that Conan O’Brien is being paid $30 million for five months work. That dwarfs most pay-outs to Wall Street executives by a long shot. “Let’s face it,” said a White House source, ” the stock market was only down 30% in a whole year, while O’Brien’s ratings were down 50% in just five months!”