Wry On The Rocks

     Just when I thought that Tuula Paajanen came up with the most obvious “duh” statement of the year, here comes Melanie Dove of the Harvard School of Public Health.  Ms. Dove was the lead author in their study of the effects of cigarette smoke on young children.

     After an arduous study of over 11,000 children in the US, Ms. Dove’s report concluded that children who live in non-smoking homes are much less likely to experience second-hand smoke than those children in homes where parents smoked. 

    At what point, I have to ask, did the researchers realize that this might not be quite as useful information as they had hoped.  Did they think maybe another 11,000 children might lead to a different conclusion??

Best sub-headline of the Boston Globe this week…”Obama’s aunt is granted asylum…critics contend politics played role in decision!”   Do you think??

Neither the President or his spokesperson had any comment on the decision in favor of his aunt, Zeituni Onyango, who has been living illegally in the US since 2000.

     Arizona  Gov. Jan Brewer signed a bill which will permit state police to stop any person who “it reasonably believes” could be an illegal immigrant.  This has set off a fire storm of protests from every corner of the Mexican community including the Mexican government.  Activist Jorge Mujica has called for a boycott of goods in Arizona by all Mexican inhabitants.  It is feared that sales of food stamps could come to  grinding halt, lottery ticket sales would collapse and free school lunch programs would dry up.

     But the worse threat comes from the top.  Joining the call for action, Mexican President Calderon has called for a complete halt of all trade with Arizona.  As a result, effective the 1st of May, Arizona residents may no longer have access to Tequila, fake Rolex watches or bull fight paintings on black velvet.

    My wife and I always enjoy a few glasses of wine with dinner and the other night had a particularly lovely 2008 fish bladder with our lamb chops.  It was slightly more expensive than usual because it was not just any fish bladder, but sturgeon bladder which has less of a hint of salt water to it.  Not everyone, of course, favors fish bladder;some of our friends, for example, prefer a hint of egg white in their Pinot Noir while others prefer the smooth taste of milk byproducts in their Merlots.  These are just a few of the items that vintners might add to their grape concoctions.

     Because of the slew of forest fires in California this past year or so, you may find more and more wine from the state higher than usual amounts of fish bladder or other “additives” to hide the smokey taste of the recent harvests.

     If the FDA ever gets around to demanding full disclosure on wine labels it will be a boon to the average consumer.  I can never remember if the ‘99 is better than the ‘04 or vice-versa, but I damn sure know how much fish bladder I want in my burgundy.

     Tiger Woods finally staged his non-press conference today.  Leaving no stone unturned he assumed full blame for his transgressions, bad behavior, infidelities, loss of trust, the Colts Super Bowl loss and the failing economy.

     He did not, whoever, admit to any “domestic violence” in his house.  He admonished the press corps for trying to characterize his late night accident on Thanksgiving as a result of any violence on his wife’s part.  “We were simply playing our favorite Swedish game, Traffa-Vagn-Klubb“  he said. Translated as Hit-The-SUV-with-a-Club, Tiger went on to explain that the game is best played at one 0-clock in the morning in one’s nightshirt ;  the goal being to hit as many objects as possible with a moving SUV before the van itself gets hit with a club.

     Tiger went on to deny that his skill at this game involved any performance enhancing drugs, but instead was due strictly to his Buddhist Karma.