Playboy nixed it’s plans to feature a photo spread on Lindsay Lohan. The magazine’s long time photographer, Lans Hoffgramer, walked out of the studio, “what can I say…she simply doesn’t shoot well in orange.”
Wanted: workers to disassemble a nuclear bomb.
The National Nuclear Safety Administration has announced this week it has job openings to help dismantle a 10,000 pound bomb the size of a mini-van that contains enough explosives around a uranium core to produce an explosion 600 times that of the A-Bomb dropped on Hiroshima.
”We have had no applicants whatsoever for this job,” commented a spokesman for the NNSA, “despite the generous salary and death insurance.”
The Obama administration points to the lack of applicants for this government job as evidence that the recession is over. “It’s not like we were looking for rocket scientists!” explained a White House spokesman. “I mean how hard can it be?”
When pressed he did admit that workers were to be paid only on an hourly basis.
President Obama’s media bus containing over $200,000 worth of media equipment including the presidential seal, several podiums and his personal teleprompters was stolen last evening. The bus had been parked in a Courtyard Marriott lot in Henrico, Va.
The theft of the US Presidents possessions comes on top of a break-in at a SWAT training building in Los Angeles in which thieves stole dozens of police weapons including MP-5 submachine guns and 12 large-caliber handguns.
When questioned about the rash of domestic thefts, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano issued a statement assuring the American public that our borders were “secure.”
President Obama is expected to issue a statement just as soon as his staff can secure another teleprompter.
The popular young British racing champion Dan Wheldon was killed this week in a 15-car crash at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. His tragic death occured during an IndyCar event in which the cars were circling a 1.5 mile oval track at speeds in excess of 220 miles per hour.
The McClatchy News Service headlined their story, “Wheldon’s death raises safety concerns!”
Here’s a real shocker….the Massachusetts legislature yesterday approved the casino bill! Just when I had almost lost faith in lobbyists.
But, it’s good news because now you see, with all that extra revenue that the casinos will bring in to the State, our taxes will go down. No, I said that with all that extra money, see money that we don’t have now, our taxes will go down. Let me put it another way, see our individual tax burden is going to go……
Nah, you’re right…..