Wry On The Rocks

Kris Humphries has filed a suit againt his soon-to-be ex-wife Kim Kardashian for breach of contract.  Humphries’  attorney claims that his client was promised a marriage of 13 months which was then to become a spin-off series from “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”.

The suit claims that it’s impossible to base a television series on just 72 days of a marriage. 

The Kardashian producer issued a statement stating in part, “..bullshit….we’ve based shows on a lot less crap than this.”

Moammar Gadhafi was buried yesterday in a hidden grave;  the exact location  known only to four men.

Here’s my question…how well do you think those guys are going to be sleeping??

Playboy nixed it’s plans to feature a photo spread on Lindsay Lohan.  The magazine’s long time photographer, Lans Hoffgramer, walked out of the studio, “what can I say…she simply doesn’t shoot well in orange.”

Wanted:  workers to disassemble a nuclear bomb.

The National Nuclear Safety Administration has announced this week it has job openings to help dismantle a 10,000 pound bomb the size of a mini-van that contains enough explosives around a uranium core to produce an explosion 600 times that of the A-Bomb dropped on Hiroshima.

 ”We have had no applicants whatsoever for this job,” commented a spokesman for the NNSA, “despite the generous salary and death insurance.”

The Obama administration points to the lack of applicants for this government job as evidence that the recession is over.  “It’s not like we were looking for rocket scientists!” explained a White House spokesman.  “I mean how hard can it be?” 

When pressed he did admit that workers were to be paid only on an hourly basis.

President Obama’s media bus containing over $200,000 worth of media equipment including the presidential seal, several podiums and his personal teleprompters was stolen last evening.  The bus had been parked in a Courtyard Marriott lot in Henrico, Va.

The theft of the US Presidents possessions comes on top of a break-in at a SWAT training building in Los Angeles in which thieves stole dozens of police weapons including MP-5 submachine guns and 12 large-caliber handguns.

When questioned about the rash of domestic thefts, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano issued a statement assuring the American public that our borders were “secure.” 

 President Obama is expected to issue a statement just as soon as his staff can secure another teleprompter.