Wry On The Rocks

Here’s a real shocker….the Massachusetts legislature yesterday approved the casino bill!   Just when I had almost lost  faith in lobbyists.

But, it’s good news because now you see, with all that extra revenue that the casinos will bring in to the State, our taxes will go down.  No, I said that with all that extra money, see money that we don’t have now, our taxes will go down.  Let me put it another way, see our individual tax burden is going to go……

Nah, you’re right…..

Hank Williams, Jr. was recently fired from ESPN for comparing the golf match between President Obama and Speaker John Boehner as being between Hitler and Netanyahu.  ESPN, in an epic PC move, fired Williams who had been featured on the opening NFL coverage with his rousing lyrics..”are you ready for some football?”

ESPN network said that they were worried that their viewers might be offended by Williams’ inference that the President was to be compared to Hitler.  Forgetting that his analogy had nothing to do with a comparison, ESPN, after offering a mea culpa to the President has yet to apologize to Speaker Boehner.

When contacted by this blog, Speaker Boehner, confessed through tears, that he was upset that no one thought to apologize to him.  “How do they know he wasn’t comparing me to Hitler??”

Vice-President Biden was quick to defend his President by publicly confronting Williams saying, “Hank, I knew Adolph Hitler and believe me, President Obama is no Hitler.”

GE’s Jeffrey Immelt was the subject of Leslie Stahl’s CBS interview last evening during which he was queried as to his role as President Obama’s chief of the Council on Jobs and Competitiveness.  When asked if there wasn’t some sort of irony that the GE CEO was actively moving jobs to Brazil and China when leading a council on creating jobs in the US, he could only whine that he wasn’t being loved.

“I don’t understand why you aren’t rooting for me”, he complained to Ms. Stahl.  “In Germany, the Germans root for Siemen’s; in Japan the Japanese root for Toshiba; in China all the people root for China South Rail.”  He went on to state that he worked for investors and, “they want to see us prosper, so I want you to say… Win GE!”

See, maybe that’s the problem Jeff.  Maybe people would rather see a return on their investment rather than listen to some whinny CEO who takes home six million bucks a year while presiding over a company whose stock has dropped 60% during his tenure.

You want somebody to say Win, GE….?  Why don’t you hire Charlie Sheen?

State Representative Ritch Workman is doing his part (and living up to his name) to lower the un-employment rate in his state of Florida;  a state with an unemployment rate 1.6 percent higher than the national average.  Rep. Workman has introduced a bill that would repeal a ban on dwarf tossing competition.

A popular pastime in many bars in Florida, the contest featured bar patrons competing to see who could toss a dwarf the farthest.  Banned in 1989, Rep. Workman claims that the ban has idled many dwarfs in the Sunshine State.  Exactly, how many dwarfs have been affected by the ban is not known.  As Rep. Workman says, “It is very easy in the census count to overlook dwarfs.” 

 He actually said that with a straight face.

Sarah Palin announced her “resignation” from the Republican primary race last evening.  Actually, she first made the announcement two weeks ago, but apparently the media had more important issues to deal with such as the demise of the Boston Red Sox, the opening of a new Starbucks and the rescue of a Black Lab from Lake Osceola Florida.

A spokesman for the former Alaska governor admitted that it had been very difficult to convince any of the media to carry the announcement.  “Most of the media we contacted didn’t consider this news”, explained Ralph Conchise, “although we did get good coverage from the Leadsville Courier…3rd page right below the Leadsville Annual Cook-off story.”

Now that she is free from her non-campaigning tasks, Mr. Conchise declined to list other non-events Ms. Palin might be considering although he hinted at a possible appearance at the up-coming Washington, New Hampshire water commissioner’s race.  “Governor Palin has always been interested in water and where it comes from,” offered Mr. Conchise.