Wry On The Rocks

Who is designing  bills these days…you know, the ones we get in the mail with the return “remittance” below the dotted perforated line…the one you’re supposed to tear…that’s just above the pre-folded line of the bill itself?

In this age of electric cars, smart phones and frozen pizza, why can’t they get the perforated line to be the same as the already folded part of the bill?  They’re only 1/8 inch apart!!  Is that so hard?

I’ve had it with trying to carefully create my own crease so that I get a nice neat tear across the “dotted line”….from now on I’m tearing the remittence into tiny little pieces.   Let them figure out who the hell sent in the payment!

I understand that you’re still upset that the government won’t raise your taxes.  I can sympathize with your position as I realize how much hell it must be trying to figure out what to do with all those extra millions and billions just sitting around.  Among other problems you probably have to spend a great deal of time fending off insurance agents, stock brokers, vacuum salesmen…all suggesting ways to spend a few catrillion.

I feel that I should pitch in as an American patriot and do what I can to help.  To that end I’m enclosing my 2010, 1099 form for your consideration.  I don’t mean to rush you in anyway, but my extension is due shortly and both the IRS and my accountant would be pleased if you could pay this as soon as possible.  I know this doesn’t solve all your tax problems, but if you’d  like I could forward a list of some friends who would probably vounteer to  have you pay their taxes…2011 of course, I wouldn’t want to rush you with more 2010 obligations.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter and by the way, you should be pleased to know that I re-financed my mortgage this week through Bank of America.  Just trying to extend a  helping hand to a fellow American.  May I call you Warren?