Wry On The Rocks

     I just finished painting our bedroom which has been a light blue color for the past 25 years.  I liked the light blue color in our bedroom.  I’ve liked it since the day I painted it.  But, last week my wife asked if I didn’t think it was time to change the color.  I said yes.  And so I was painting our bedroom.  Yellow.

     I think the divorce rate could be cut in half if men would just learn to say yes.  In 32 years of marriage, I can’t think of a single instance where “no” was the right answer.

     I don’t think Donald Trump should be waiting for any invitation to the next Feminist event.  The Donald made a strong bid for the divorced men’s vote at the annual conference of the Conservative Political Action Committee this week.  During his speech he outlined several personal views that seemed to contradict his positions just a few years ago.  For example, he now claims to be an anti-abortionist supporter as opposed to his former pro-life stance.

     When confronted with this contradiction, his spokesperson lawyer dismissed any problem this might cause by stating that, “People change their position all the time, the way the change their wives.”

     Does this mean that if he goes back to being a pro-lifer, he has to re-marry his former wife?  And which one??

     Once the most watched sport on television, NASCAR has seen it’s TV ratings slip steadlity over the past 7 years from the peak of it’s popularity in 2004.  Looking to recover it’s former glory, the governing body has recently revised it’s rules to bring back the fans. 

     It has loosened it’s rules regarding aggressive behavior, now following a “have at it” policy that allows “shoving, swearing and rubbing bumpers” both on and off the track.  To boost this new image, NASCAR has signed contracts with James Harrison, Hines Ward, Andy Sutton and Mr. T to drive in their respective off-seasons.  Oft penalized NFLer Hines Ward said “It’s about time somebody realized what real fans are looking for”.

     However, it’s the new cooler policy that NASCAR is really betting on…raising the limit of beers from a six-pack to 36 cans!  Nothing beats watching a fan fall out of the stands to increase attendance.

     The New York Fashion Week is in full force this week featuring the best and hippest of the fashion world’s designers and models.  Unfortunately, one of the stars of the modeling world, cover girl Nada Cjekavasheck, will not be walking the runway this week because she failed the new health rules for models.  While her 2-inch-diameter thighs passed the tests,  it was discovered she had no breasts.

     Designer Alexander Wang expressed his regrets, but claimed that ..”it never occurred to me to allow for bosoms!”

    I often wonder what ad agencies and their clients are thinking.  No more so than this morning.  Following a Boston Globe front-page article on the woes caused by the amount of snow that has pelted the Greater Boston area, there is an ad for Icelandair on page 12 that trumpets:

    “The best part of a trip to London is Iceland…stop over in Iceland at no additional airfare!”

    What audience are they trying to reach??  Wouldn’t a more effective headline read:

    “Book now to London and we promise NOT to stop in Iceland!!”