Wry On The Rocks

    I’m sitting here in my office on the East coast looking at about a foot of snow and from all reports there is at least a foot of snow from here all the way to Seattle.  Not to mention a minimum of a foot of snow in England, all across Europe, Russia, China, Nepal and God only knows  how much at the North and South poles.  And every  year right about this time it snows.  Again.  And it’s been doing that for a couple of thousand of years.

    So, here’s my question.  How can the scientists be so damn convinced that there’s another planet out there somewhere that looks just  like ours, yet they can’t even find two snowflakes that are alike right here on Earth?

    Next thing you know they’ll be trying to tell us that we’re experiencing global warming.

    Conan O’Brien’s staff held an emergency meeting with the late night host following NBC’s decision to remove  O’Brien from the 11:30 PM time slot.  Apparently, they had  never bothered to explain the term “ratings” to the Harvard grad or how networks and advertisers depended upon an ”audience.”  Following the meeting, Conan’s staff issued a press release stating that had he been aware of what the network expected of him, he would have spent more time being funny and less time sucking his thumb.

    Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich claims in an Esquire magazine interview that he is “blacker than Obama.”  What the article didn’t report was that this was a clever publicity stunt on Blago’s part to promote his forthcoming rap CD in which “The Rod Dog’ comes out of the black closet. His title number is entitled “The Whiter Nigger” in which he raps….

“Now the O dog and me both from the Windy City, but I be doing jail while he been sitting pretty

Hey, I been black  ‘fore black was cool, got a birth certificate showing my gene pool.

Obama didn’t ‘spect that he was black, ’til Nevada’s  Harry Reid pointed out that fact……………………

Now I grew up in five rooms  Daddy rented, and I’ve fetched coffee for massa Bill  Clinton…….

So all you bros  must feel betrayed,  cause  Harry only wants you if you’re a lighter shade…..

If that’s so, it just ain’t fair and it don’t  figger, but move   over Obama cause I’m the whiter, nigger. ”

     It’s that time of year when it is custom for  many of us to make New Year’s resolutions.  Some of these fall into the give-me-a-break category as in “I promise to be a better person” or the how-you-going-to-do-that category, as in, “I promise to make the world a better place” resolution.  Most of these resolutions are made by people who still have an Al Gore for President tee-shirt and think Harry Reid would be fun to hang out with.  Unfortunately, no matter what the pledge, resolutions will be kept by only 3% of Americans. …

(read more of this at www.wrysandwherefores.com)

     I don’t understand the controversy between the creationists and the evolutionists…those that believe in God and those that believe solely in Darwinism.  Let me offer some proof that both exist.  Take man for example.  The creationists believe that God created man out of nothing more than clay and then gave him Eve.  I can buy that.  And being the benevolent God that he probably is, he endowed them, alone among all creatures on earth, with the power of speech.  And so Adam and Eve would talk.  And listen.  To each other.  Adam would tell Eve how his day was going.  “Hi Eve.  You know aside from a little chest pain, I’m feeling pretty good today.  How about you, honey?”  “Well, I feel pretty good today too, Adam, here have an apple.” 

      So, for a long time Adam and Eve conversed together.  Adam would talk and Eve would listen.  Then Eve would talk and Adam would listen.  “That old pain seems to be going away, Eve, how are you?”  “I’m just great, Adam, here have another apple.”  This was all well and good for several eons. 

     Then other people starting coming around and Adam and Eve had more to talk about.  Then alot more people came and Adam and Eve had alot more to talk about.  Especially, Eve.  She started to have more to talk about than Adam.  “You know sweets, I felt so good today, that I ran a 5K, how about you?”  “Well, I baked an apple pie for those new folks, you know the ones that moved across the garden, the one’s with the baby that’s always crying, well, I went over and said, how’s your baby today and, well you won’t believe what she was wearing and….”  So, as time went by, Adam found that he was having more and more difficulty hearing everything that Eve was saying.  Adam had started to evolve.

     So, over the years…about 3 or 4 million or so…man has continued to evolve.  His chest pains began to disappear, except when he smokes too much, he only has to shave once or twice a day and his hearing started to become more selective about what he could process.   And, as his body evolved so did his speech.  Phrases like, “and what else happened, ?”  were replaced with, “..sorry, what’d you say ?…” and “that’s interesting, honey…”  became  ”…uh, huh…”  Eve in the meantime was evolving on a higher plane.  In fact, she reached an evolutionary point where she  was able, all on her own, to carry on both sides of the conversation, seemingly satisfied with an occasional nod or shake of the paper from Adam.

     So, some day I expect we will all thank God for getting the ball rolling but, realize that Darwin deserves a big shout out for saving many a modern marriage.