Getting Down on the Farm
Nevada farmer Noah Krautt denied rumors that he was paid to keep quiet about an alleged week-end that Tiger Woods spent with his sheep. “Ain’t never seen nor talked to the man”, claimed farmer Krautt when interviewed in his new Escalade with the custom surround sound system and cobalt rims. “‘Sides”, he continued, “my sheep don’t mess around. They’re like my family…sure a couple of ‘em liked to be spanked once in a while, but that don’t mean nuthin. I mean listen,” farmer Krautt continued after checking the time on his new TAG HuerSLR Calibre S Laptimer with the gold band and diamond bezel, “if you was the most famous athlete in the world, you gonna come out here in the middle of nowhere where there hardly ain’t no way to get here, ‘cept maybe that new airstrip behind the barn, just to be with a sheep…or two?
Farmer Krautt ended the interview by offering the reporters several cases of Gatorade. “We don’t drink that shit no more!”, he said as he reached for his AT&T cell phone.