Wry On The Rocks

In case you missed it, Christie’s auction house recently sold Leonore Annenberg’s 32.01 carat emerald-cut diamond for $7.7 million.  Leonore was the wife of billionaire publisher Walter Annenberg and bought the ring herself to mark her 90th birthday.

Francois Curiel, the international head of Christie’s jewel auction was quoted as referring to the walnut sized diamond as coming to the auction with the “impeccable provenance or the Annenberg name.”  He went on to exclaim that the diamond, “combines the best of the four C’s: color, clarity, cut and weight.” 

Now I think if you’re going to buy a ring for $7.7 million, you ought to get four C’s.  Personally, I wouldn’t pay more than $3 million for 3 C’s and a W!

You got to hand it to Millie Hinkle; the woman’s got spunk.  The 57-year-old natural medicine practioner has decided that camel milk can cure all of our ills.  She has devoted her life to bringing camel milk to the American public and has drained her savings, not to mention her common sense, to this cause.  According to Ms. Hinkle milk from the humped ones can cure disease, increase virility and contain unknown magical powers.  Her efforts have gained her preliminary approval from the FDA to market the milk.  At the same time it, should be noted, that they tentatively approved the sale of milk from reindeer, Llamas, moose and donkeys.  This, of course will make the marketing of camel milk that much more difficult.  Imagine the quandry of the average shopper in the market…hmmm, what do I feel like today…moose milk?…donkey milk?..what..no aardvark milk?

There is one other little problem with Ms. Hinkle’s goal; she only has one camel and camels are notoriously cantankerous and getting milked ranks very high on their list of things that make them that way.   Other than that, she may be on to something.  It can’t possibly taste worse than Gatorade …..talking about cantankerous animals!

Maria Shriver was caught breaking the law…a law just signed into effect by her Governator husband…by using her cell phone while driving.  Showing complete remorse, Ms. Shriver described her ordeal as a “teachable event.”  Shouldn’t that really be a “learnable event”?  Why do celebrities always think we’re the ones that need to learn something from their mistakes?  But, obviously Mrs. Governator is truly sorry for her infraction as she promised to make the supreme sacrifice…she’s donating her old cell phone to Hopeline to aid domestic violence clinics across the country!  Her husband is worth 9 zillion dollars and she’s donating a freaking cell phone???  Actually, that might have put her in the running for the Nobel prize for philantropy, but the Nobel committee just learned that Obama tipped his caddy two bucks last week!  Sorry Maria.

In 1979, K.T. Smith, a patron of Mugs Away bar in Laguna Niguel, Cal. offered to buy a beer for anyone who would walk across the street and moon the Amtrak train when it passed.  This year Mr. Smith would have to be prepared to buy drinks for approximately 8,000 people who showed up to drop their trousers at the passing Amtrak trains.  Located halfway between LA and San Diego, it obviously need not it be said that there is very little to do in Laguna Niguel, Cal.  

When the crowd starts to tire of mooning passing trains, I have another crowd building venture for the Mugs Away bar.  How about a contest to choose a better name!

The Windy City folk are understandably upset that President Obama couldn’t bring home the gold from Denmark.  The question on every-one’s mind is …why did he choose to fly over the ocean like some common mortal when he just as easily could have walked. 

If it’s any consolation to the Windy City folks, the IOC is considering adding “Walking On Water” as an Olympic sport for 2016.