Wry On The Rocks

 You know the marketing guys at Anheuser-Busch are getting a little long in the tooth when you read that they are going to build a whole campaign around table tennis, more popularly known as ping-pong.  The boys at Bud have heard that ping-pong is really cool again and they aim to cash in with a series of national tournaments culminating in finals to be held in Las Vegas.  They have partnered with the Mark Gordon Company which produces “Grey’s Anatomy” which, while I have never watched, I don’t think has anything to do with ping-pong.  But, showing that he’s up on the-whats-happening-now scene, Gordon Company exec Jordan Wynn claims that ping-pong has sex appeal…”It’s taking on this cool cultural space of short-shorts and retro headbands…..”  Retro headbands??  Short-shorts?? No question you’re hep to the in-crowd,  Jordan.  You don’t happen to be sporting a duck-tail hair cut by any chance?

I don’t know what game the retro headbanders are playing in St. Louis, Augie, but  now that you’re owned by a British company, something obviously got lost in the translation.  I think it’s entirely possible your instructions were to start sponsoring a game  the Brits call PINT PONG and the first word got garbled in transmission.  Over here it’s called BEER PONG, Augie…or just PONG…no paddles needed.  Just a ball and lots of beer!   

Best advice at this point…send duck tail boy back to TV land and back off the ping pong thing.  Trust me…Forrest Gump was not a beer drinker.

If you happen to be in D.C. today you have the fortunate opportunity to see a special exhibit of hairballs at the National Museum of Health and Medicine! Over 20 different hairballs will be on display including those from cats, cows and little girls. Can’t make D.C. today? It’s OK, you can view a graphic display of hairballs at their web-site..assuming you don’t want to keep down your lunch. Believe it or not, hairballs have been used in many cultures for years as an antidote against poisoning. In China, for example, ground-up cow hairballs, properly known as bezoars, have been used for over a thousand years to treat ailments such as disease of the mouth. Probably a good idea not to ask what’s in the spring rolls next time you order out.

 It just occured to me that I haven’t seen a picture of  Tom “the canoodler”  Brady or his million-dollar model in days.  No wonder the Boston Globe circulation is dropping like a stone.  How the hell can you sell papers in Boston that are Brady-less?  I know that the paper’s  been filling up the pages with shots of Kevin Costner and Ben Affleck roaming around various Boston locations filming their new movie, but is there a single shot of either of them canoodling?  Message to the Globe…new pictures of Brady and whats-her-name before the week is out or cancel my subscription.  I’m going back to the Enquirer.

  The 113th running of the Boston marathon took place today with 26,331 runners signed up for the 26 mile race.  I don’t get it.  The whole running thing.  I tried it once and didn’t like it.  It was in the 9th grade when every red-blooded Florida boy was expected to go out for track.  I was told to run the mile.  Nobody else wanted the job.  Cool guys did not run the mile.  Cool guys pole-vaulted or ran the hurdles or sprinted in the 100-yard dash, but they did not run the mile.  I ran the mile.  I ran the mile with fellow competitors, most of whom wore thick glasses and shorts two sizes too big.

Actually, to claim that I ran the mile is a bit of a stretch.  The only instruction the coach ever gave me was to pace myself.  I was never good at running, but I was the best damn pacer you ever saw.  In fact, I think I still  hold the Orange County record for pacing the mile.  You know how marathoners are always trying to out-do their “personal best”…their PB?  My PB was finishing before the bus left!

(read more of this day at www.wrysandwherefores.com)

Well, now I know why I haven’t seen any of the local Sarasota weathermen on the Boston stations or any other top 50 market TV stations…

Despite dire predictions of last night the past two days have been gorgeous.  Of course, after the winter we’ve had up North, anything over 40-degrees and the hint of sun would look gorgeous.