Wry On The Rocks

I realize that I’m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to sex, but I can usually relate to the needs and choices of other, shall I say, less conventional practices.  I did, after all, have a couple of cousins who grew up on a farm in Georgia.  However, every once in a while I realize just how really naive I must be in matters sexual. 

I just read an AP newswire report that a 29-year-old man, one Jason Leroy Savage by name, was arrested at a local car wash in Saginaw, Michigan for indecent exposure.  Well, actually what he was doing according to the arresting officer was having sex with a car wash vacuum!

Now, I realize that things must get a little slow in Saginaw during the winter months, but if anyone can explain to me how one has sex with a car wash vacuum I would appreciate it.  I mean it’s been a pretty hard winter right here in Mass. and perhaps I should be more receptive to new ways of doing things.

Try rich!  R. Chad Dreir just walked away from the CEO position at Ryland Group with $27 million bucks!  Well, actually he has to wait 6 months to get the final $16.4 million of his package.  Perhaps Obama should look into some sort of low interest bridge loan for CEO’s that have to wait to get their full package.  I mean somehow R. Chad Dreir has to exist on only $8 million for the next 6 months.  I can feel his pain although personally, I have never trusted a man who won’t tell me his first name! (Is it just coincidence that he shares his first initial with R. Allen Stanford…what are these guys hiding?)

Of course, old R. defends his pay package as ”fair and square” based on his performance.  Let’s see now..Ryland stock is down 52% in the last 12 months, return on equity is down 43% and the insiders haven’t been able to sell the stock fast enough!  Imagine what R. would have received if his performance had been good!!

Fair and square?  Sorry R., but you’re shitting me!

A Duxbury resident wrote a letter to our local paper today complaining that she had found a dead squirrel that had been choked to death with a plastic twist tie.  She declaimed the murder and called for the culprit to reveal him/herself.  I don’t particularly care for squirrels, but I share her concern for people who would murder any animal in such a cruel way.  But, here’s my question.  How the hell did someone chase down a squirrel in order to choke it to death?  I’ve got 3 dogs that can do the 100 in 5 seconds and they can’t catch a squirrel!  Is there really someone in Duxbury who is quick enough to run down a squirrel?  Who just happens to carry a supply of plastic twist ties?  My admiration and awe to such a person!

Anybody notice that lately the market goes up everytime Bernanke talks and goes down everytime Obama talks.  Here’s a quick tip to our problems.  Give the mike to Bernanke Prez and keep it quiet for a while, OK?

I really wanted to watch our President make his speech to congress tonight, but I couldn’t take the sight of the smug Nancy Pelosi over his right shoulder.  There should be a rule that the President is filmed in front of a blue screen for future talks.  How can anybody concentrate on what he is saying when that hypocritical bitch is beaming in the background.  Hey, Nancy, how are the workers in your husbands Samoa tuna plant doing?  Universal health care for them?  Oh, right.